Not a whole lot of death this week but plenty to update!
Let's start with updates on some of our picks.
- Michael Jackson - still dead but his nose is missing! According to the National Enquirer, the nose he was wearing the day he died has disappeared! Much like his original nose. According to a "housekeeper" for MJ he kept a jar full of noses in his closet.
- Patrick Swayze - hadn't been in the news in a while then BAM! Back on the cover of the Enquirer - supposedly had a heart attack and the doctors worked like hell to save him so that he could later die an agonizing death from pancreatic cancer.
- Pete Doherty - still kicking and drinking! He was recently banned from and EasyJet flight from Spain to London for being too drunk. (They also must have heard about his penchant for shooting up in the bathrooms) so he had to charter a private jet back - woohoo - all the booze and shooting up he wants! Way to go Pete.
- Al Davis - well, football season is starting up so Al has something to live for the next 6 or 7 months - not looking good for you Death Poolers who have Al.Nelson Mandela - a recent article has him "losing that spark in his eye". Not sure what the 'spark' refers to - could be cataracts.
- Steve Jobs - apparently doing well after the liver transplant he bought - ok, just a rumor but really - how did he get to the top of the list if he isn't terminal? hmmmm
- Osama Bin Laden - ok, not officially dead yet but his son took a Cruise Missile right up the old pooper. Ok, not sure where the son took the missile but apparently he is dead. Also not sure which son - doesn't he have a few dozen? Oh wait - that's the Mormons!
- Elizabeth Taylor - ok, Liz had a close one after 'collapsing' when she heard of the Noseless One's untimely death. If by 'collapsing' you mean 'drug related'. A recent picture of Liz shows her hanging in there - of course that could be any old broad under all that plaster. Catch Liz's Tweets on Twitter. Ok, no, don't - I mean really, who cares?
- Mickey Rooney - wasn't he married to Liz? Oh no, that was Ava Gardener - ok how did Mickey Rooney ever hook up with Ava?? She was gorgeous. And he was/is, well, MICKEY ROONEY
- Nancy Reagan - apparently still alive. Pretty much not in the news at all. Hmmmmm
- Ariel Sharon - still on a ventilator. Is that really alive? Well, we really have no category for the un-dead. Might need to think about that for next year.
- Fidel Castro - still here. Hey - does anyone else want to go to Cuba as soon as they open it up to Americans? Let's go!
- Kim Il Jong - Pancreatic Cancer! Where the hell did that come from? Man, and we all thought he just had a stroke! So the stroke is probably due to the cancer - not long now.......
- Amy Winehouse - looking better at her trial for punching out a crazed fan. Found not guilty - her defense was that she was 'too short' to have punched the chick out.
- Ted Kennedy - the Enquirer is just full of news this week. Apparently poor old Teddy is paralyzed due to a severe seizure. Yikes! Ted needs some of that health care he's been working so hard to get passed. Oh, wait, Ted has that fabulous government employee heath insurance that the rest of us can only dream about - except Eddie - damn you Eddie!
You and your fabulous new job in fabulous Vienna in fabulous Europe with your fabulous health insurance! But we're not bitter. - Queen Liz and Prince Phil - these two just keep going and going - they have to have some kind of secret diet or pills or something - they're old and they aren't even ever sick! Have either one of them even been hospitalized in the last 10 years? They never miss a day of work (ok, whatever they call what they actually do on a day to day basis). I see some sort of secret government conspiracy here. Robots? Aliens? Holograms? Eddie - get to the bottom of this first thing! We all know you are really in the CIA. We expect a full report. Thanks!
John Forsythe - I thought this guy was dead! But I guess he's still with us. Not looking too good though - seems to have some sort of 'drinking problem'.
Keith Richards - what to say? Nothing. Just check out the picture. Not sure what keeps this guy alive. Ok, amphetamines or dragon blood, the Sorceror's Stone.
Speaking of which - WTF! Dumbledore died! Who's next? Harry? Waaaaaaaaa
More recent deaths (ok Dumbledore isn't really recent, unless you are Mike Hosanna who never read the books. Just couldn't get past those owls....)
Frank McCourt - Irish Pulitzer winning author.- Gidget - no, not Sally Field (haha - just the old farts will get that one) - the Taco Bell dog! She was 15 and died of a stroke - must have been all those fat filled burrito supremes.
Harry Patch - 4th last survivor of WWI.- Alexis Cohen - who?? she was the crazy ranting contestant on American Idol - "Take it!" Hit by a car - hmmmmm - someone didn't like the ranting apparently.
If you don't know who she is check this out:
That's it for this week - Take it! Take it!
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