July 26 2009

Not a whole lot of death this week but plenty to update!

Let's start with updates on some of our picks.

• Michael Jackson - still dead but his nose is missing! According to the National Enquirer, the nose he was wearing the day he died has disappeared! Much like his original nose. According to a "housekeeper" for MJ he kept a jar full of noses in his closet.
• Patrick Swayze - hadn't been in the news in a while then BAM! Back on the cover of the Enquirer - supposedly had a heart attack and the doctors worked like hell to save him so that he could later die an agonizing death from pancreatic cancer.

• Pete Doherty - still kicking and drinking! He was recently banned from and EasyJet flight from Spain to London for being too drunk. (They also must have heard about his penchant for shooting up in the bathrooms) so he had to charter a private jet back - woohoo - all the booze and shooting up he wants! Way to go Pete.
  
  
• Al Davis - well, football season is starting up so Al has something to live for the next 6 or 7 months - not looking good for you Death Poolers who have Al.Nelson Mandela - a recent article has him "losing that spark in his eye". Not sure what the 'spark' refers to - could be cataracts.
• Steve Jobs - apparently doing well after the liver transplant he bought - ok, just a rumor but really - how did he get to the top of the list if he isn't terminal? hmmmm
• Osama Bin Laden - ok, not officially dead yet but his son took a Cruise Missile right up the old pooper. Ok, not sure where the son took the missile but apparently he is dead. Also not sure which son - doesn't he have a few dozen? Oh wait - that's the Mormons!
• Elizabeth Taylor - ok, Liz had a close one after 'collapsing' when she heard of the Noseless One's untimely death. If by 'collapsing' you mean 'drug related'. A recent picture of Liz shows her hanging in there - of course that could be any old broad under all that plaster. Catch Liz's Tweets on Twitter. Ok, no, don't - I mean really, who cares?

• Mickey Rooney - wasn't he married to Liz? Oh no, that was Ava Gardener - ok how did Mickey Rooney ever hook up with Ava?? She was gorgeous. And he was/is, well, MICKEY ROONEY
• Nancy Reagan - apparently still alive. Pretty much not in the news at all. Hmmmmm
• Ariel Sharon - still on a ventilator. Is that really alive? Well, we really have no category for the un-dead. Might need to think about that for next year.
• Fidel Castro - still here. Hey - does anyone else want to go to Cuba as soon as they open it up to Americans? Let's go!
• Kim Il Jong - Pancreatic Cancer! Where the hell did that come from? Man, and we all thought he just had a stroke! So the stroke is probably due to the cancer - not long now.......

• Amy Winehouse - looking better at her trial for punching out a crazed fan. Found not guilty - her defense was that she was 'too short' to have punched the chick out.
• Ted Kennedy - the Enquirer is just full of news this week. Apparently poor old Teddy is paralyzed due to a severe seizure. Yikes! Ted needs some of that health care he's been working so hard to get passed. Oh, wait, Ted has that fabulous government employee heath insurance that the rest of us can only dream about - except Eddie - damn you Eddie! You and your fabulous new job in fabulous Vienna in fabulous Europe with your fabulous health insurance! But we're not bitter.
• Queen Liz and Prince Phil - these two just keep going and going - they have to have some kind of secret diet or pills or something - they're old and they aren't even ever sick! Have either one of them even been hospitalized in the last 10 years? They never miss a day of work (ok, whatever they call what they actually do on a day to day basis). I see some sort of secret government conspiracy here. Robots? Aliens? Holograms? Eddie - get to the bottom of this first thing! We all know you are really in the CIA. We expect a full report. Thanks!

• 
  John Forsythe - I thought this guy was dead! But I guess he's still with us. Not looking too good though - seems to have some sort of 'drinking problem'.
  

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  Keith Richards - what to say? Nothing. Just check out the picture. Not sure what keeps this guy alive. Ok, amphetamines or dragon blood, the Sorceror's Stone.

Speaking of which - WTF! Dumbledore died! Who's next? Harry? Waaaaaaaaa

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  More recent deaths (ok Dumbledore isn't really recent, unless you are Mike Hosanna who never read the books. Just couldn't get past those owls....)
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  Frank McCourt - Irish Pulitzer winning author.
  
• Gidget - no, not Sally Field (haha - just the old farts will get that one) - the Taco Bell dog! She was 15 and died of a stroke - must have been all those fat filled burrito supremes.
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  Harry Patch - 4th last survivor of WWI.
  
• Alexis Cohen - who?? she was the crazy ranting contestant on American Idol - "Take it!" Hit by a car - hmmmmm - someone didn't like the ranting apparently.

If you don't know who she is check this out:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LimOXvLszwU

That's it for this week - Take it! Take it!

Death Pool Update July 18 2009

Good Afternoon Death Pool Friends and Family!

No update since June 20 and since then people have been dropping like flies!

And our top story today is. . . . . .

No, not who you think but Walter Cronkite! The most trusted man in America has died peacefully at 92. And he died of old age! No terminal illness penalty! Thanks Walter.

Uncle Walter started his broadcast career in 1936 and was one of the top American reporters during WWII (the Big One). He is most famous for his broadcast of the news of JFK's assassination. (sad) and also the landing of Apollo 11 on the moon (happy!) Here's a link to a video of the actual moon landing - enjoy!



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g_sWmD6NvMY





Ok, so on to the death of Michael Jackson. Yes, The Gloved One, Wacko Jacko, King of Pop, MJ, Pedo Pan, The Museum of Surgical Mishaps, Mr. I.M. Loopy Esq, Dr Weirdenstein, Frighty Whitey has died. Cause yet to be determined (yeah, right - none of us know what killed him). Toxicology not back yet but they found Propofol in his house. Yes, Propofol - WTF??? They use this stuff to put you out so they can shove an endotrachial tube down your throat during major surgeries! Some case of insomnia! So now he's really catching up on all that sleep he's been losing.



And really, don't be sad. He's not really gone as long as he's on the cover of People magazine and The National Enquirer for the next year. Did anyone check out the funeral? So here's a nice picture of the pallbearers. Ok, I am giggling just a bit.















So Barbi gets 50 points! Way to go! Going to be hard to catch her but there is still almost 6 months to go and death is out there!





Another picture of Michael looking as he did in life: like a wax figure. So I guess he was bald. Explains the wacky wigs. Has anyone looked at pictures of his last nose job? You can see the little implanted wires they use to hold the nose on - ewwwwwww













Ok, enough of Wacko Jacko and on to other notable deaths this month.

• Farrah Fawcett. Very sad - horrible way to go - apparently Ryan O'Neal was going to marry her as soon as she could actually say 'yes'. Way to go Ryan - tell a woman on death's door that if she can spit out the word 'yes' she can marry such a thoughtful, loving guy. Anyone else think maybe he just wasn't into commitment here?
  

Ok, a picture for all you guys:






yes, you do see a bit of nipple





No points for anyone - Carol's got her son. Close but no cigar.

• Ed McMahon - no points here either. Good old Ed. Didn't Donald Trump bail him out of his foreclosure. Gee - Donald did a nice thing? Probably billing Ed's estate now.

• Billy Mays! Yikes! Poor guy - heart disease got him. All that high pressure selling I guess. Someone go buy some Oxiclean in Billy's memory. (But not Mike Hosanna - he is banned from buying anything he sees on TV. Anyone want to help paint my walls with Mike's new paint tools?)

• Gale Storm. Come on Judes - you remember Gale Storm - My Little Margie. I don't remember of course, Judy is just that much older than I am. :)

• Steve McNair - what to say? Dumbass? yeah, that's it. Dumbass. Talk about God getting you for breaking the 10 commandments. Kind of severe though, God. Are You trying to send a message to other professional athletes? Hmmmm. We'll see.

• Harve Presnell - who the hell is Harve Presnell you say? He played Johnny Brown in "The Unsinkable Molly Brown"! And you all call yourselves Coloradans.

• Homer Delawie - American Architech. Just stuck this guy in here for Bob Hosanna

• Robert McNamara - architect of the Vietnam War for JFK and Johnson (ok, not a REAL architect)

• Karl Malden - Madeline doesn't know who Karl Malden is - oh, to be so young. You know, the American Express guy, he was on The Streets of San Francisco. Won an Academy Award. ok - here's a picture:

• Gordan Waller of Peter and Gordan fame (another one for Judy - she had their album! Ok, I listened too)

• Allen Klein - helped break up the Beatles. Way to go greedy asshole. John and Yoko liked him. Enough said - Yoko liked him.

• Lord and Lady Douchebag. Ok, not really the Douchebags. the Downes. Apparently they went to Switzerland to the assisted suicide clinic. He was old blind and deaf and she had two types of terminal cancer. Ok, sorry, but this is a blog about death!

• Zan Marolt - Bosnia-Herzegovinian actor. They have actors in Bosnia-Herzegovinia?? Who knew.

• Something weird going on in professional wrestling. Waldo Von Erich dies (Canadian pro wrestler) and then two Mexican professional wrestlers, Alberto and Alejandro Jimenez both 35 die of poisoning! Yes poisoning! Apparently they had just gone to their room with a couple of prostitutes. I wonder if the hookers turfed it up to Canada and got a hold of Waldo?? Hulkster - you'd better watch out! We know you like strippers - STAY AWAY FROM MEXICAN HOOKERS! Here's the link to the article: http://www.nowpublic.com/sports/alberto-and-alejandro-jimenez-mini-mexican-wrestlers-found-dead (see comments on Steve McNair above - more heavenly retribution?)

• Henry Allinigham - 113! He was the last WWI vet and was also the last surviving founding member of the Royal Air Force.

And last, but certainly not least, Oscar Mayer Jr died. Yes, that Oscar Mayer. Oscar was 95. Died choking on a hot dog. Haha. No really, died of something - old age? Coronary artery disease? Hypertension? Some kind of hot dog related disease.

Well I think that's enough death for this week. Stay tuned and keep those comments coming!