End of Summer Update

As we mourn the end of summer it's time for another Death Pool 2009 update.

And the lead off story is......

Kennedys dropping like flies!! Who's next??

Oh yeah, only one left - there goes the suspense. Unless you count Ethel. Uhhh - no.

First Eunice succumbs to her multiple strokes. Eunice was a kick ass kind of chick - her own father said had she been born with balls (yes, old Joe was a bit crass and sexist) she'd have been the best politician in the family. However in her later years Eunice became a poster child for using sunblock and staying out of the sun (and this is a good picture!).

Next is Ted - the Lion of the Senate dies of his brain cancer. We had several players who chose Ted - congratulations to Barbi, Bryan and John. Let's hear it for both Bryan and John for making it onto the Leaderboard. Of course, poor old Ted was only worth 3 points after the Terminal Illness deduction. But better than a poke in the eye! Well, maybe not - but still pretty good! Way to go!

Here's a recent picture of Ted before he really started feeling badly. Wait a minute - that's not Ted Kennedy you say! It is Ted Kennedy - just not THAT Ted - this is Ted Kennedy, Maple Leafs player, who also died this month. Thought I'd just give him a mention and see if you are paying attention.

Here's the more well known Ted - eerily waving goodbye to all of us. It's like he knew something......

Let's move on to other notable deaths this month! August was a busy month for celebrity/notables moving onto their reward.

Budd Schulberg, author of On the Waterfront (I coulda been a contenda!)

John Hughes, 59, Heart Attack! Shit! Hitting a bit close to home for us other Baby Boomers. Mike - quick get to the gym! We all know his films: Ferris Bueller's Day Off, Sweet Sixteen, Vacation, Home Alone.

Andy Kessler, 48, American Skateboarder - died of A WASP STING. WTF!! Check this mother out:

Ok, not the wasp that killed poor Andy but this one did attack Mike out on our deck. So it was a really close call for Mike - he could have made the blog. Whew!

Les Paul, 94, inventor of the solid body electric guitar and pretty much thanks to him we have rock and roll. Has his own exhibit at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Also godfather to Steve Miller.

Robert Novak - famous conservative (how do you become famous for being a conservative?)

Ellie Greenwich, songwriter - "Chapel of Love" and "Be My Baby".

Dominick Dunne, author - covered OJ's first trial for Vanity Fair - then dragged himself off of his sick bed to cover the second in Las Vegas - guess he wanted to see justice finally served.

Jasmine Fiore and Ryan Jenkins - who? you say - actually kind of sad but more famous in death - she is a Playboy bunny and he is her husband who was on some lame reality show. Guess she pissed him off because he strangles her, cuts off her fingers and pulls out her teeth and beats it to Canada. Don't piss off Ryan! Shit! Ryan, not being too brilliant here, doesn't realize her breast implants have serial numbers that can be used to identify the body. Imagine if he had! (no, don't) So he hangs himself in his hotel. Happy ending to that Hollywood dream.

DJ AM, aka Adam Goldstein, 36, Overdose. This guy survives a fiery plane crash and keeps smoking crack?? Darwin's theory lives on....

And finally, to confirm that the British are just really weird:

• Sybil, Chief Mouser to the Cabinet Office, Downing Street. Yes, really, a cat. They give a cat an official title - and -
  Benson, 25 (yes! a 25 year old Carp!), "Britain's Biggest and Best Loved Carp". You read correctly, CARP. WTF! They actually kept track of this f'in big fish for the last 25 years! Her husband (haha) was named Hedges (get it? Benson and Hedges?? haha - that British humor is just too much!) She died with 300,000 eggs in her! So apparently her death was due to childbirth (don't read anything into this Meghann - you only have one) Attached are actual pictures of Sybil and Benson:
  
  
  
  
  

And speaking of weird Brits - anyone see the Queen and/or Phillip lately? Hmmmmm


Now to update on some of our current picks who are still hanging on:

Patrick Swayze - in a wheelchair. Come on Patrick! Make it past Dec 31 and flip us off!

Michael Jackson - yes, I know, he's already dead but now we know he was actually MURDERED. Yes, murdered. Weird since I'm pretty sure he voluntarily submitted to receiving infusions of several sedatives and anesthesia - oh - and the 'tar heroin' rumored to be found in his bedroom? Just moldy weed. Forgot about that stash, eh MJ? Probably just as well, the mold would have killed him. hahahaha. ok, I'm sick. And because I know you can't get enough of Wacko Jacko, one more picture:

Fidel Castro - looking pretty perky in a 'recent' picture. Personally I thought his track suit looked padded (if you know what I mean, wink wink). Here's Fidel shaking his fist in the face of us dirty capitalists.

George Bush Sr - not at Teddy's funeral. Hmmmmmm.

Barbara Bush - not at Teddy's funeral. Hmmmmmm

Nancy Reagan - not at Teddy's funeral. Hmmmmm

Ok, maybe they all just hated Teddy - but I'm thinking some old people maybe weren't "up for the trip"

George Michael - in some sort of driving accident - walked away, must have staggered a bit since they tested him for DUI.

Gary Glitter - who cares? ok, Carol does, but really? Gary Glitter?

Elizabeth Edwards - not looking good but who would when they find out their cheating asshole husband has another kid with the woman he cheated on while you were fighting breast cancer. Ok, not confirmed with DNA, but thinking it's probably true.

Kim Il Jong - looked a bit pale and skinny in his photo op with Bill.

Mary Lou Retton - huh?

So, the current standings:

Barb, with an impressive 53 points - thinking that is unsurmountable (unless Mary Lou Retton kicks it)

Sue - 18

Meg/Josh - 8

Bryan - 3

John - 3

Everyone else: ZERO.

Ok - keep those Comments coming! Hello? Bueller?

July 26 2009

Not a whole lot of death this week but plenty to update!

Let's start with updates on some of our picks.

• Michael Jackson - still dead but his nose is missing! According to the National Enquirer, the nose he was wearing the day he died has disappeared! Much like his original nose. According to a "housekeeper" for MJ he kept a jar full of noses in his closet.
• Patrick Swayze - hadn't been in the news in a while then BAM! Back on the cover of the Enquirer - supposedly had a heart attack and the doctors worked like hell to save him so that he could later die an agonizing death from pancreatic cancer.

• Pete Doherty - still kicking and drinking! He was recently banned from and EasyJet flight from Spain to London for being too drunk. (They also must have heard about his penchant for shooting up in the bathrooms) so he had to charter a private jet back - woohoo - all the booze and shooting up he wants! Way to go Pete.
  
  
• Al Davis - well, football season is starting up so Al has something to live for the next 6 or 7 months - not looking good for you Death Poolers who have Al.Nelson Mandela - a recent article has him "losing that spark in his eye". Not sure what the 'spark' refers to - could be cataracts.
• Steve Jobs - apparently doing well after the liver transplant he bought - ok, just a rumor but really - how did he get to the top of the list if he isn't terminal? hmmmm
• Osama Bin Laden - ok, not officially dead yet but his son took a Cruise Missile right up the old pooper. Ok, not sure where the son took the missile but apparently he is dead. Also not sure which son - doesn't he have a few dozen? Oh wait - that's the Mormons!
• Elizabeth Taylor - ok, Liz had a close one after 'collapsing' when she heard of the Noseless One's untimely death. If by 'collapsing' you mean 'drug related'. A recent picture of Liz shows her hanging in there - of course that could be any old broad under all that plaster. Catch Liz's Tweets on Twitter. Ok, no, don't - I mean really, who cares?

• Mickey Rooney - wasn't he married to Liz? Oh no, that was Ava Gardener - ok how did Mickey Rooney ever hook up with Ava?? She was gorgeous. And he was/is, well, MICKEY ROONEY
• Nancy Reagan - apparently still alive. Pretty much not in the news at all. Hmmmmm
• Ariel Sharon - still on a ventilator. Is that really alive? Well, we really have no category for the un-dead. Might need to think about that for next year.
• Fidel Castro - still here. Hey - does anyone else want to go to Cuba as soon as they open it up to Americans? Let's go!
• Kim Il Jong - Pancreatic Cancer! Where the hell did that come from? Man, and we all thought he just had a stroke! So the stroke is probably due to the cancer - not long now.......

• Amy Winehouse - looking better at her trial for punching out a crazed fan. Found not guilty - her defense was that she was 'too short' to have punched the chick out.
• Ted Kennedy - the Enquirer is just full of news this week. Apparently poor old Teddy is paralyzed due to a severe seizure. Yikes! Ted needs some of that health care he's been working so hard to get passed. Oh, wait, Ted has that fabulous government employee heath insurance that the rest of us can only dream about - except Eddie - damn you Eddie! You and your fabulous new job in fabulous Vienna in fabulous Europe with your fabulous health insurance! But we're not bitter.
• Queen Liz and Prince Phil - these two just keep going and going - they have to have some kind of secret diet or pills or something - they're old and they aren't even ever sick! Have either one of them even been hospitalized in the last 10 years? They never miss a day of work (ok, whatever they call what they actually do on a day to day basis). I see some sort of secret government conspiracy here. Robots? Aliens? Holograms? Eddie - get to the bottom of this first thing! We all know you are really in the CIA. We expect a full report. Thanks!

• 
  John Forsythe - I thought this guy was dead! But I guess he's still with us. Not looking too good though - seems to have some sort of 'drinking problem'.
  

• 
  Keith Richards - what to say? Nothing. Just check out the picture. Not sure what keeps this guy alive. Ok, amphetamines or dragon blood, the Sorceror's Stone.

Speaking of which - WTF! Dumbledore died! Who's next? Harry? Waaaaaaaaa

• 
  More recent deaths (ok Dumbledore isn't really recent, unless you are Mike Hosanna who never read the books. Just couldn't get past those owls....)
• 
  Frank McCourt - Irish Pulitzer winning author.
  
• Gidget - no, not Sally Field (haha - just the old farts will get that one) - the Taco Bell dog! She was 15 and died of a stroke - must have been all those fat filled burrito supremes.
• 
  Harry Patch - 4th last survivor of WWI.
  
• Alexis Cohen - who?? she was the crazy ranting contestant on American Idol - "Take it!" Hit by a car - hmmmmm - someone didn't like the ranting apparently.

If you don't know who she is check this out:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LimOXvLszwU

That's it for this week - Take it! Take it!

Death Pool Update July 18 2009

Good Afternoon Death Pool Friends and Family!

No update since June 20 and since then people have been dropping like flies!

And our top story today is. . . . . .

No, not who you think but Walter Cronkite! The most trusted man in America has died peacefully at 92. And he died of old age! No terminal illness penalty! Thanks Walter.

Uncle Walter started his broadcast career in 1936 and was one of the top American reporters during WWII (the Big One). He is most famous for his broadcast of the news of JFK's assassination. (sad) and also the landing of Apollo 11 on the moon (happy!) Here's a link to a video of the actual moon landing - enjoy!



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g_sWmD6NvMY





Ok, so on to the death of Michael Jackson. Yes, The Gloved One, Wacko Jacko, King of Pop, MJ, Pedo Pan, The Museum of Surgical Mishaps, Mr. I.M. Loopy Esq, Dr Weirdenstein, Frighty Whitey has died. Cause yet to be determined (yeah, right - none of us know what killed him). Toxicology not back yet but they found Propofol in his house. Yes, Propofol - WTF??? They use this stuff to put you out so they can shove an endotrachial tube down your throat during major surgeries! Some case of insomnia! So now he's really catching up on all that sleep he's been losing.



And really, don't be sad. He's not really gone as long as he's on the cover of People magazine and The National Enquirer for the next year. Did anyone check out the funeral? So here's a nice picture of the pallbearers. Ok, I am giggling just a bit.















So Barbi gets 50 points! Way to go! Going to be hard to catch her but there is still almost 6 months to go and death is out there!





Another picture of Michael looking as he did in life: like a wax figure. So I guess he was bald. Explains the wacky wigs. Has anyone looked at pictures of his last nose job? You can see the little implanted wires they use to hold the nose on - ewwwwwww













Ok, enough of Wacko Jacko and on to other notable deaths this month.

• Farrah Fawcett. Very sad - horrible way to go - apparently Ryan O'Neal was going to marry her as soon as she could actually say 'yes'. Way to go Ryan - tell a woman on death's door that if she can spit out the word 'yes' she can marry such a thoughtful, loving guy. Anyone else think maybe he just wasn't into commitment here?
  

Ok, a picture for all you guys:






yes, you do see a bit of nipple





No points for anyone - Carol's got her son. Close but no cigar.

• Ed McMahon - no points here either. Good old Ed. Didn't Donald Trump bail him out of his foreclosure. Gee - Donald did a nice thing? Probably billing Ed's estate now.

• Billy Mays! Yikes! Poor guy - heart disease got him. All that high pressure selling I guess. Someone go buy some Oxiclean in Billy's memory. (But not Mike Hosanna - he is banned from buying anything he sees on TV. Anyone want to help paint my walls with Mike's new paint tools?)

• Gale Storm. Come on Judes - you remember Gale Storm - My Little Margie. I don't remember of course, Judy is just that much older than I am. :)

• Steve McNair - what to say? Dumbass? yeah, that's it. Dumbass. Talk about God getting you for breaking the 10 commandments. Kind of severe though, God. Are You trying to send a message to other professional athletes? Hmmmm. We'll see.

• Harve Presnell - who the hell is Harve Presnell you say? He played Johnny Brown in "The Unsinkable Molly Brown"! And you all call yourselves Coloradans.

• Homer Delawie - American Architech. Just stuck this guy in here for Bob Hosanna

• Robert McNamara - architect of the Vietnam War for JFK and Johnson (ok, not a REAL architect)

• Karl Malden - Madeline doesn't know who Karl Malden is - oh, to be so young. You know, the American Express guy, he was on The Streets of San Francisco. Won an Academy Award. ok - here's a picture:

• Gordan Waller of Peter and Gordan fame (another one for Judy - she had their album! Ok, I listened too)

• Allen Klein - helped break up the Beatles. Way to go greedy asshole. John and Yoko liked him. Enough said - Yoko liked him.

• Lord and Lady Douchebag. Ok, not really the Douchebags. the Downes. Apparently they went to Switzerland to the assisted suicide clinic. He was old blind and deaf and she had two types of terminal cancer. Ok, sorry, but this is a blog about death!

• Zan Marolt - Bosnia-Herzegovinian actor. They have actors in Bosnia-Herzegovinia?? Who knew.

• Something weird going on in professional wrestling. Waldo Von Erich dies (Canadian pro wrestler) and then two Mexican professional wrestlers, Alberto and Alejandro Jimenez both 35 die of poisoning! Yes poisoning! Apparently they had just gone to their room with a couple of prostitutes. I wonder if the hookers turfed it up to Canada and got a hold of Waldo?? Hulkster - you'd better watch out! We know you like strippers - STAY AWAY FROM MEXICAN HOOKERS! Here's the link to the article: http://www.nowpublic.com/sports/alberto-and-alejandro-jimenez-mini-mexican-wrestlers-found-dead (see comments on Steve McNair above - more heavenly retribution?)

• Henry Allinigham - 113! He was the last WWI vet and was also the last surviving founding member of the Royal Air Force.

And last, but certainly not least, Oscar Mayer Jr died. Yes, that Oscar Mayer. Oscar was 95. Died choking on a hot dog. Haha. No really, died of something - old age? Coronary artery disease? Hypertension? Some kind of hot dog related disease.

Well I think that's enough death for this week. Stay tuned and keep those comments coming!